I suppose Orafoura was right about the vagina. It is such a wonderful spot to vacation. I’d recommend taking the whole family.

If you’re getting up to cross the Sahara, I could sure go for a bottle of water. My thirst to love you will never be quenched.

I have an Unexplained Flying Erection. I also have a floating picture of my dead grandma. The two are unrelated. Long live the queen!

I wish I listened through my urethra, because imagine how euphoric and orgasmic music would be. One love song might get you pregnant.

I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding.

She said no to my sexual advances. Makes me wonder if she even knew the seven colors of the rainbow add up to the length of my penis.

My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long.

You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor.

Love takes many forms, but I’ll bet none of them are tax forms. I would work for the IRS, but I’m just not that romantic.

PDF—is it a document type, or Public Display of ‘Fection? I’ll let you know after I print it out and cuddle with it.

She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box of toothpicks.

1-12, how many Decembers does it take to sell thirteen to Mr. Fourteen and Mr. Months? Depends on how much love you throw in for free.

In high school I used to sing in the shower. None of the football players liked it, because they were all naked and I was in a tuxedo.

What can you do with a person who says that he is absolutely uncertain about everything, and that he is absolutely certain about that?

Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic.