Quick! Hide under my 3:33 am, but don’t pet my 3:33 pm.

I’m into extreme sports. Well, just one—cuddling.

In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees.

As my exciting story began I was being punched in the stomach.

I’ll be waiting in my trunk, with the engine of your car.

Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?!

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.