We made love like two tuna fish flying to Mars to eat blue pickles. Then I woke up and went back to work, fishing for aquamarine vinegarized cucumbers found in aquatic conditions.

I only like bubble gum if it’s flavored like the bottom of my shoe. I once stepped on my stepdad, but he was dressed like a puddle so it’s not like I’m at fault.

The word “Word” is too long to be short, like a 4” tall non-midget. My favorite word is love, and though it’s not long, it’s by far the tallest word.

If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers.

If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?

We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but if I want to play, I have to protect myself with a jockstrap.

I’m the winner of the “Best Interpretive Dance” for my adaptation of Joyce’s Ulysses into crunk. That’s cool and all, but you should see my Dostoevsky.

I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell.

19-year ninja veterans are best at representing 16-year-old cave shadows. So let us not delay in making love to the sound of clapping. Though we need no applause for our performance.

The Federal Reserve was created after a 1913 meeting in Jekyll Island, Ga that was so secret it wasn’t discovered until Orafoura began cleaning out his underwear drawer in 1982.

Instead of hip hip hooray, how about hip hip replacement? Old age should be celebrated one wobbly step at a time until the top of the stairs topples down onto the topless crowd below.

Quicksand is nature’s way of saying slow down. Me pushing you in quicksand is my way of saying be still and let me love you. Isn’t it funny how a lasso looks like a noose?

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me.

They took a baseball batand whacked open his head.Mummy Boy fell to the ground;he finally was dead. Inside of his headwere no candy or prizes,just a few stray beetlesof various sizes.

I call my wife and tell her I’m going to sleep at the lab. She reminds me that she left me a week ago. Louis tries to crack me up by pantomiming humping a chimp through the cage.