A brick could be used as a paperweight, if the words you wrote weren’t weighty enough to hold it down.


A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.


If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.


A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?


A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your dreams. 


A blanket could be used to cover up the bald spot all over my chest. That’s why I get so cold at night.


A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!


Falling in love too quickly spells disaster. But I’ve always lived dangerously, and I spell disaster with a Z.

A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred.


A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times.


A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants


A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it on fire. 


With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit. 


A blanket could represent change, and a brick represents consistency. Do you embrace the blanket, or the brick?