A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose my erection.


A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament.


A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big blindfold. 


A blanket could be used to express my feelings towards her. You see, I’m not tired—but I am tired of her.


A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my ancestors.


A blanket is a tell-all story about its endeavors with certain highly publicized people and their somewhat promiscuous acts.

Teamwork is me helping you build a brick wall that will come between us and forever divide us. Division through unity.


To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure to fishbird.


A brick could be used to simulate a war opponent. Especially if your nemesis is paraplegic and without transportation.


A brick could be used to represent a memory. That way when you live in a brick house, you could be living in the past.


A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.


A brick could be used to make love better. Faster isn’t always better. Don’t you want to make love better?


A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a cloud.


A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s.

I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously like a brick. The gravy is a blanket.