Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.


A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not interested in covering things up. Who do you think I am, the US Government?


A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s healthier than Gatorade.


A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.


A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind.


A blanket could be used as a bathtub tarp, keeping all the body’s heat in, and the police’s and murder victim’s wife’s eyes out.


A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahead five minutes. Trust me, I’ve been to the future, and I was late. 


A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.


A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.


I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greece: a ruin. Only, I’d ask my gay dance partner, “R u in?”


A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun in the sky, and voila! Nighttime. 


A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part of secretive don’t you understand?


A brick could be inserted in your chest in place of your heart. And for just a couple thousand dollars more, an artificial heart could replace the brick.


A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out like a cheap motel room to a midget.


A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work for the government as tax collectors.