A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when constructing your house. 


A brick could be affixed to the collar of my shirt, because I’ve already got the weight of the world on my shoulders, so what’s the problem with a little new construction to go on top?


A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!


A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.


A blanket could be used to conceal. That’s why I recommend the current cast of political bedfellows running this country use one to make good on their “transparent” administration. 


A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how to dance, by providing motivation to get good so they can get some under the covers later.


A blanket (twin, full, or queen-sized) could be placed squarely over the state of Rhode Island, and there’d still be enough blanket space left over to keep an obese man warm through a blizzard. 


A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I pee enough as it is.


A company could use bricks to measure their growth rate. How many bricks have angry investors thrown at you lately? If the answer is none, then your growth rate is probably pretty good… for the moment.

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.


A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you could build a house with all your yeses, and forget the fact that you’d be shivering in your sleep.


A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon salesman. 


Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like:
Brick: Hello!
Blanket: Hi!
Brick: How are you?
Blanket: Good. You?
Brick: Good.

Bricks could be used to build structures that homosapiens can live in and engage in homosexuality in. Crazy, right? Well, it is 2012, and I think the world is progressive enough to finally accept houses.


A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you've got a friend for life. Say, do you want to brick swap?