I seduce women by making women feel like they are seducing me. And I allow them to pay for that privilege. And as we all know, you value what you pay for more than what you’re given for free.

I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones.

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou's shirt causing it to rip in two ]Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn't just happen Kagura: My love !Kyo Sohma: My shirt!

I killed my clone and I hid his body behind every mirror I’ll ever step in front of. I’m always surprised to see him, and I never fail to brush his teeth or gaze at his decomposing body.

A blanket could be drenched in water, frozen, and then enjoyed like a giant cotton popsicle by prisoners of a gulag, who might consider this a tasty treat compared to what they normally eat. 


All right," Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down?" Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke.

It’s been so many years since I actually had a date that I’ve forgotten how to act. You don’t mention your ex when you’ve finished fucking your date; it’s poor protocol

Who cares if you have a girlfriend, anyway?""I care" Simon said gloomily. "Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like windex.

He watched me rake my fingers through the tangles in my hair and smiled. “Quit it. You’re fucking beautiful.”“Just point me to the nearest eighties rock video,” I said.

A blanket could be considered part of performance art, if you’re inconsiderate and steal all the covers while we’re asleep—and film me shivering and twitching in the night. 


A brick could be substituted in for Kansas as a US state, because they’re roughly the same shape, they have the same topography, and I just found Topeka without the aid of a microscope.


I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to.

I need another drink!” I said as a second attempt to change the subject. “Shots!” America yelled. Shepley rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. That’s what you need, another shot.

I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?" It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line.

It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.”“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of usgetting along so well.