You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what year is it? I’ve been asleep since the 80s.

I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence.

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before.

I want to merge running a marathon and doing a handstand into one action. It will look similar to how I’d make love to a mannequin.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!

A brick and a blanket need a logo, and I’m just the designer to hire to sit around idly as I ideally charge you by the hour.


The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a day late.