When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.

I wish my nipples spiraled around and could play records. I could spin love songs while you made love to me like you were a DJ.

I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.

The best part about falling in love with a slab of meatloaf is now I get to use my ketchup-dispensing backpack when making love.

Someone will complete you some day and that day will never be late. Those nouns and verbs are above wonderful and never ending .

I’ll carry Carrie like my hands are full of empty. But at least my heart is full. But not with love—with cholesterol.

Auri," I asked slowly, "are you joking with me?"She looked up and grinned. "Yes I am," she said proudly. "Isn't it wonderful?

Nature is powerful and beautiful,Nature is destructive and creative,Nature is amazing and wonderful,Nature is loving and graceful.

I want her when she doesn’t want me, and I don’t want her when she wants me. Now that’s love in the 21st century!

I love favors, because a favor is, instead of me doing something or paying you anything, why don’t you do it for me for free?

I welcome all You’re Welcomes with open arms and open zippers. My love for her is sandwiched between two slices of Thank You.

With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?

The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love.