A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.


I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.

A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. 


A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out.


A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.


A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.


A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.


A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.


A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.


A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.


Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!


A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.


A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?