I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me.

When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it," I like to look over at him, grab his ass, and say, "Shh. I'm about to cum.

She asked if I was asleep, so I looked at her and said, “Yes, I am.” I’m the kind of lover who’d wear a unicycle to a tricycle convention for hitchhikers.

I want to possess enough courage to fill a Campbell’s soup can. And then I want to use my courage to feed the homeless. Isn’t courage not only filling, but delicious?

A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a brother who was smarter than the average politician.


Banta: Mein New Zealand vich mundayan naal BUNGEE jumping khoob enjoy keeti Tu kehri sports khedthi c ? Preeto: Mein vi pind vich mundayan naal MANJEE jumping khoob enjoy kitti c

Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered.

If it’s not already written, I want to write a book called, “The Art of Raw.” But instead of using my real name, I’ll use the pseudonym, “Sun Tzushi.

Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything.""I can't do both," I pointed out.

Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.

If I owned a house that had a bathroom with no toilet, only a urinal, I’d call that the number one room, and I could easily both describe it and point to it with one finger.

Grandmother hates it when I do the "turkey dance." Basically, I lather my naked body in gravy and then spaz out on the kitchen floor. She just doesn't understand modern dance.

I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.

You guys are weird," Tori said.Simon sat on the crate beside me. "That's right. We are totally weird and completely uncool. Your popularity is plummeting just by being near us.

A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category — gentlemen masquerading as beasts?