Silena appeared out of the woods, her sword drawn. Her Aphrodite armour was pink and red, colour coordinated to match her clothes and makeup. She looked like Guerilla Warfare Barbie.

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs

I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell.

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.

I recently heard of a group called The Lipsticks who only sing Kiss hits, which reminds me of something weird 
I saw yesterday. 
I saw Elvis. And he was impersonating me.

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me.

If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you rather eat it? As for me, pass me my Speedo, and a spoon.

I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.“Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.

Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.''What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way?

Agatha’s love had wings like a penguin. Certainly this was a plus in the cold winter months. But our relationship never really took flight. It was grounded like a 747 minus 748.

Any other iron on you?” he asked impatiently.“Just my tongue stud.”His look was a mixture of curiosity and horror.“I’m kidding, you idiot. Let’s go.

Oh," she said, in a very different way. "Well. Thanks for my part in the compliment. Naturally I'd love to be watched and controlled, but I think I may be washing my hair that day.

It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.“Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively.“Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted.

The following is a list of statements made many years ago by experts in their fields. At the time they were said they sounded intelligent. With the passing of time, they sound idiotic.