It's really not that hard to put food on the table if that's what you decide to do.

The only way to eat Cheerios is without cheer. Could a product name be more of an oxymoron?

If you’re hungry, eat one of my new starvation pills. They taste like silence.


Some people who are obsessed with food become gourmet chefs. Others become eating disorders.

I’ll take a side of mashed potatoes—on the left side. And the right side.


Don’t eat in the dark. My brand of cat food comes with a light bulb in the can.


We pass Tinsley's Fried Chicken with the big sign that reads, TRY OUR BIG, JUICY BREASTS.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

They say you should treat your body like a temple. I treat mine like a fast-moving dumpster.

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

prepare your food in keeping with monastic traditions—simple, basic, healthy, balanced.

If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.

What I say is that, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.

You can do without sleep or without food, but not without both and sleep wasn't an option.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.