Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

I’m a very nice person, but for you I’ll make an exception.

It’s better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.

I’m not arguing! I’m simply explaining why I’m right.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Dear people who annoy me, please cancel my subscription to your issues.

If girls argued with their boyfriend topless, they would win every time.

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

“Someone out there loves you for who you are. Keep smiling.”

Dear ‘K’, you should get arrested for killing conversations.

If the people in horror movies listened to me they would still be alive.

I’m not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

If you ever try and fail, you need to erase all evidence that you tried.

Don’t let your mouth write a check that your butt can’t cash.