Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

Cale! Have you had a female in here?”Calic laughed carelessly. “Depends on when you're referring to.

By doing ordinary actions efficiently you will become the best among ordinary, but you will not be an extraordinary.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Turning to Turnip, Miss Dempsey said, 'Do you think?'. 'As little as I can,' Turnip replied honestly.

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.

You’re starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ’s play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor.

Not obedience or feelings or respect, there is only one thing which people take seriously at all time and its "money".

If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when you're old.

If you have money but not love you will somehow manage, but if you don't have both then you are in serious trouble.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in australia. -Charles M. Shulz

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there.

Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls.

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.