Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.

I am the most responsible person I know. Whenever anything goes wrong, I’m responsible.

Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I won’t intimidate you.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Don’t question God, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Dear Boys.. If you want her to treat you like a King, first you have to treat her like a Queen.

In every P.E class there is always that one person who thinks they are in the fucking Olympics.

What you call dog with no legs? Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.

I think one of best feeling in the world is knowing that you actually mean something to someone.

I’m explosive, you’re the bomb. With our AWESOMENESS together we are an ATOMIC BOMB!

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.

What you call dog with no legs? Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.