The uniform enhanced his athletic body, and my thoughts drifted to how magnificent he would look with his uniform puddled around his feet.

I sleep with an astronaut’s helmet on my head, just in case I get into a high-speed crash with space during the middle of the night.

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.

I had a dream about you last night... You replaced all the people in your life with kittens. It felt more like a prediction of the future.

Henry narrowed his eyes at me. "You going somewhere?""Lacrosse field trip," I said. "I enjoy whacking the hell out of people with mallets.

A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device. 


Mario Andretti has retired from race car driving That s a good thing He s getting old He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on

Mario Andretti has retired from race car driving That s a good thing He s getting old He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools

However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.

Foul!" yelled Jamie, who seemed extremely happy not to be the one facing a blade. "Distracting technique! Put your shirt back on right now.

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!


I lost my balance when the train pulled away, but a human crumple zone buffered my fall. We stayed like that, half fallen. Diagonal People.

Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless

I want to leave a legacy. I'll leave him in the trunk, tied up, at a parking garage on the campus of the university where he graduated.