One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans.

We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs.

To get more liquids in my diet, I’ve started eating more soup and cereal. Anything that’s watered down, including my relationship.

Lollypop...the passion contained merely kissesplaced upon lips, neck and cheekthese young lovers of the castleof which our fairytale speaks...

Even feigning surprise, pretending it was unexpected and saying a ritual thanks, is surely wiser than just expecting everything so carelessly.

We have to remember that not every action taken to solve a problem will be free of unforeseen consequences. No matter how good our intentions.

She felt about her zester the way some women do about a pair of spiky red shoes--a frivolous splurge, good only for parties, but oh so lovely.

Keep it simple, keep it tasty. Salt, pepper and garlic. Shallot another day, lemon grass for nextweek. Nutmeg and cinnamon every now and then.

I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck.

She had blonde hair like spaghetti noodles, and then she went and dyed it marinara. But I loved her like I enjoy all-you-can-eat pasta buffets.

I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same.


Suffering... is not just lots of pain but pain amplified by distinctly human emotions such as regret, self-pity, shame, humiliation, and dread.

We are not creators; only combiners of the created. Invention isn't about new ingredients, but new recipes. And innovations taste the best.

A woman eats to feed her pussy." Meaning: Anything we do to excess is in compensation for not getting a minimum amount of sexual gratification.

I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.