A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!


A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry. 


A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it it’s nighttime. 


A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.


A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking.


The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.

A brick could be used to float a good idea at work—especially if it’s a good idea that would be bad for you personally.


Sometimes you have to leave someone special without any reason, Sometimes you can't leave the person with thousands of reason to leave

A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that doesn’t mean one is good and the other is bad.


A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!


A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.


A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean. 


A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device. 


A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you can even make love to it.


A brick could be used to describe somebody hard and inflexible, and a blanket could be used to describe somebody warm and easygoing.