I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.


She was not too tall, and of a voluptuous build, so that my eyes wandered amid many charms that hitherto had been strangers to them.

A brick could be dropped on your mother-in-law’s head from the height of 66.6 feet. You know, as a going away present. 


A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.


A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall. 


A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.


A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.


A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.


A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m shivering.


A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?


A blanket, as the epitome of warmth, could be used to stop colds. Also, sex with me might be the surest way to prevent a cold.


A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.


The word 'weird' is never spoken or thought of by the Fey, as to them there is nothing very strange when you take it as it is.

A brick could be used to help define your rigid beliefs. I put my beliefs to bed, along with the hooker I rented for the night.


A brick could be slid on a wood floor, like a rolling bowling ball, in an attempt to fill the seconds between swallows of beer.