I know I’m not perfect, I’m vintage, which means my flaws make me priceless!

Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.

If she has 500 likes & 500 comments on a picture, what’s missing? Her clothes.

Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.

Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

I’m gonna go take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other, but not each other’s phones.

? Taken ? Single ? I’m in love with my computer. It’s getting pretty serious.

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

Home isn’t where the heart is, home is a place you go where they have to let you in.

I’m a girl who usually laughs at her mistakes, so excuse me if I laugh in your face.

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.

Dear boys, I can make your girlfriend scream louder then you ever will. Sincerely, spider.