Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.

I’m not flirting. I’m just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

Taylor Swift’s son, now that’s going to be a boy who knows how to treat a girl.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Whoever said “money can’t buy happiness” didn’t know where to shop.

2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to comedy section.

I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious.

Dear homework, They may be doing you, but all they can think about is me. Sincerely, summer.

I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.

Theres plenty of fish in the sea.” Yeah that’s cool and all, but I’m human.

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: are the reason why you don’t have food.

Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

If your relationship has more issues than a magazine, I suggest you cancel that subscription.

An apple a day may keep the doctor away – but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained.