Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool

Most writers can write books faster than publishers can write checks

Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical.

Everybody knows how to raise children except the people who have them

I love when I can reboot people when they are being mean to others...

STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE

An Indian without horoscope is like an American without a credit card

Agatha had her tubes tied and now she can’t get any toothpaste.

The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.

Nothing unites the English like war Nothing divides them like Picasso