I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills.


The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!

Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary.

You're just jealous.""Hardly. Been there, done you. Adequate, but unremarkable.

Sex had always been a weapon, a tool, the only form of currency that never ran out.

The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm.

Billions of people have had sex. I don't know how many have actually made love.

I asked my interior designer to give me something appropriate for defiling virgins.

Heed my words, daughter, if you ever mean to be happy: Never give yourself to a man.

You can fuck anyone but when it comes to making love your virtue will be questioned.

Rendall's first law of jealousy: jealousy does the cock harder and pussy wetter.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?

Butt holes are like a one-way street; they were made the way they were for a reason.