Christmas without a murder plot is like a day without giant spiders eaten orphans" (quote on my special gift holiday mugs)

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash

When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese

World is so full of idiots that you can't even imagine to escape. The only solution is isolation. But it still spares one!

What doesn't kill you makes you CRAZY, GRUMPY, MAD AS EVER? NO it makes you STRONGER! Yep,you'll get there eventually!

Wisdom of the Ages "US News Media" If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of that.

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone and lands in Australia.

You look worse today than you did when you had two blackeyes.”“Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.