Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

You will have relatively less problems to solve, if you don't confuse problems with inconveniences.

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.

Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.

I agree that sometimes it is difficult to choose between right and wrong, but not between right and stupid.

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.

Your brain is not only the material inside your cranium, its something to be explored, developed and refined

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three.....and so on.Nesta

Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.