The ability to make love frivolously is the chief characteristic which distinguishes human beings from the beasts.

She pressed her mouth to his throat, his shoulder, would have absorbed him into her skin if she'd known a way.

Decaffeinated coffee is like orgasmless sex. I guess I’ll take some, if you know anyone who’s offering.

I'll never forget my time with her. The two of us made love like three lawn chairs—the kind that fold up.

This morning could have been perfect. The cruel truth is they have never been. Give us loneliness or give us death.

When people say sex is a filth of society, I say, yes! You're born by enchanting mantras and breaking coconuts!

Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Read "The Story of O." Convince yourself that it was in fact written by a woman or someone who thinks like a woman.

Yep, I was so mature, I decided I would just have to reward myself by doing the naked lambada with a Federal Agent.

For breakfast I want a bowl of sugar with some corn flakes sprinkled on top. Then I want to make sweet love to you.

I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse?

The main thing to remember is that making love is at onces the silliest and the most sacred act humans can perform.

I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.

When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!