Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.


A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.


I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.


A brick could be used as a laxative. You know, “Shit a brick.”


A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

A brick could be used to divide two people, and then conquer both of them.


it smelled the way a garage would smell if you left a bear inside it for too long.

You fell off the tree of fucked-up-weird and slammed every branch on the way down.

The problem is normal was'nt in my DNA. I was destined to be forever freakish.

I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac

I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket.


Apparently, all you needed to be considered normal was no evidence to the contrary.

A brick could be used to satisfy your hunger—and satisfy my curiosity.


A brick could be translated into Spanish, and then used to landscape a lawn.