A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.


A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.


Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them. -Carrie Bradshaw

A blanket could be used to not only make promises, but fulfill them too. They're so soft and warm, how could they not be used in this manner?


A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.


There was a wildness inside him; someday he would capture it. Not to be tamed, but to be released. For only by understanding his mind could it be freed.

A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So it is with man.


A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping. 



A brick could be used to trick a snake into leaving your pet mouse alone. That way you’re free to use the mouse as you want to, you pervert.


A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.


A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.


A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.


A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.


A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.


A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.