Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.


A blanket could be used as a trap to ensnare two entangled lovers. Using this method is how I found my current girlfriend and my new best guy friend.


One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.


A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.


A blanket could be used like the Romans used Greek gods. Still, if you want my honest opinion, I’d rather pray to cheddar cheese than to Zeus. 


A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.


A brick could be used to remind me of you. Of course, so could a photograph, but how am I supposed to lob a photo through your car’s windshield?


A brick could be used in a heart transplant operation. And for just $25,000 more dollars, that brick could be switched with a real or artificial heart.


A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s healthier than Gatorade.


Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.


A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the country up again after everything is destroyed.


A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.


A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I believe in social progress.


A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink vodka dyed blue like window cleaner. 


A brick and a blanket could be used to show creativity, by making them the subjects of a divergence test. Oh wait, that’s what this is. Nevermind.