A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.


A brick could be used as a steak knife, and a fly swatter could be used as a meat tenderizer.


A blanket could be used to travel to exotic places. Just close your eyes and see for yourself.


A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually.


A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.


A brick could be sawed in half and each half glued under the back of a shoe to form high heels.


A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.


A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.


Her life was like a burst of wild, flowing Chinese calligraphy, written under the influence of alcohol.

A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?


A brick could be used as a spoon—to eat, not cuddle. OK fine, you can use it to cuddle too.


A brick and blanket could be used to turn my words around like backwards high heels on my tongue
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A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. 


A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face. 


A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it.