I don’t think I have the right parts to appreciate '50 Shades of Grey'.

Which brings me to the point of this call." Thank God, baby Jesus, and the Holy Ghost.

Always give 100%, unless you are giving your blood. You may want to keep some of that.

Together we kept that machine greased like a stripper in a plastic pool full of baby oil.

Somebody needs to stop making those bullshit romantic comedies. they mess with your head.

Cazadores de Sombras: se les ve mejor el negro que a las viudas de sus enemigos dede 1234.

Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn't bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass.

I'm surprised he doesn't reach for a wet nap to rid his hands of my general poorness.

Finally! You're here!"Uh....Do I know you?"Well, no....But you're here, all the same...

Did you hear what I said? She's ex-Mob. Her gun probably eats guns like that for breakfast.

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. And if you can't be a unicorn, be an llama.

It’s when I’m around some people that my entire vocabulary goes on vacation. Like now

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Does she realize she looks like a sunflower, ready to rain sunlight on all who look down upon her?

I'm just trying not to have a Tom Cruise moment[…]He was having a very Tom Cruise moment