Relationships are like fat people, most of them don’t work out.

I didn’t lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don’t work out.

So I heard your a player. Well nice to meet you. I’m the coach.

I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

You’re as useless as the “ay” in “okay”.

I’m not stalking. I prefer the term close range people watching.

I told a chemistry joke few days back. It didn’t get a reaction.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

You have ONE advantage over me. You can kiss my ass and I can’t.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I’d never be bored again.