Sometimes I wonder what happened to great speeches, but then I turn on the TV and I’m in wonder at how good my candidate looks.

My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - ""I am NOT naming our child Buford...

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.

Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, "We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever." I muttered.

Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign.

Some guys are the type of people who bring brass knuckles to a fight. I've always thought it prudent to bring some running shoes.

She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche.

What did I know of love then? What do I know of love now? I went from mustard to ketchup, but I’m still leading with my hotdog.

This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.”“Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts.

Caroline, do you value your neck?""Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?""Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it.

We were young(ish) when we first fell in love. I was however old I am now minus the number of years it has been since that first day.

What's a dementor?"I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister.""So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.

Dance like there’s nobody watching. Or filming. Never mind that creepy guy in the corner with the camcorder. Just keep dancing.

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?~ Susan

I know her note said she was leaving me, but there is some positive in it. At least she cared enough to tell me she didn’t care.