Holding hands with your lover is special, especially when that hand is plastic, and that lover is a mannequin.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

I’d drink from a hose, but I wouldn’t drink from a horse. I have other ways of showing I love you.

I am passionate about creating, not about procreating. My love for art is greater than my love for making love.

To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.

I begin to feel this tension when things that doesn't worth attention are the things that attracts attention

My nose, it’s like a doorstop for fists. Violence is just my fellow man’s way of showing love to me.

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.

My love is a flower. If you’d call that romantic, I’d agree and say it would look great on your grave.

I was short staffed. But that's what happens when all your employees are midgets. I make love like spicy rice.

O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful wonderful! And yet again wonderful, and after that, out of all hooping.

She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack.
True love knows no luggage.

A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away.

Love is a four-letter word. So is glue, only it isn’t as sticky. And I must admit, I still eat it all the time.