Sometimes meow means, “I love you.” Sometimes it means, “Feed me, you moron.

Love is missing your flight because you have a train to catch. I also have a football to catch.

Women love a man in uniform. You should see them drool when I dress up in my Girl Scout outfit.

Let your life choices tell others of your wonderful God as you walk through life worshiping Him.

If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.

We made love in the restaurant booth. It was romantic until our waiter knocked on our windshield.

In my dreams, my spare penis was decomposing in my closet, and to me it was a symbol of our love.

Life is unpredictable so let's have a joyous and ridiculous moment with a wondrous expression.

I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.

I once tried to shave my mustache off with a toothbrush. Just one example of my skills as a lover.

The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

When love knocked at my door, I prayed to God and thanked Him for letting me live in a Porta-potty.

I took some of the price off, and she took some of her clothes off. She made love and I made money.

We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.