If you have had a bad day, remember that tomorrow is a wonderful gift and a new chance to try again.

I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer.

I won’t die for my love—but I will live for her, which is much harder and more impactful.

i worried he'd let go, but he didn't. We held hands like this the whole rest of the way home.

The three of us made love like one of us was a voyeur. I was the only one using binoculars as a sex toy.

Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

I’d lick the water out of your bathtub, just to prove I love you—and that I’m not a cat.

A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you.

Your leftover meatloaf makes me horny. Let us make love like the first squirt from a new bottle of ketchup.

I knew we were destined to be lovers from the moment she tied me up and stuffed me in the trunk of her car.

This world can be quite wonderful once you let yourself be a part of it. It’s on your side, you know?

I put the hands in handsome. Then I put my penis in those hands. That’s some good-looking lovemaking.

I eat soup with chopsticks—and straws. And I make love with the surgical precision of a sledgehammer.

If you hear how wonderful you are often enough, you begin to believe it, no matter how you try to resist it.

I drank my lava lamp to get the party started. Later on I made love like a volcano, while I watched TV alone.