A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

I am so broke I can t even pay attention

I m not a racist I hate everyone equally

Adventure is a romantic word for trouble

A fart is nothing more than a lost cough

My Chinese friend died last week So Yung

If you can t read this you re illiterate

I m not drunk I m just talking in cursive

Help your local police - beat yourself up

I nevur make the same mistake twice NEVUR

When two egotists meet it a an I for an I

I can resist everything except temptation

In God we trust; all others must pay cash

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Distu