I love sleeping mainly because my life has the tendency to fall apart when I m awake

We are all a little broken But always remember - broken crayons still colour the same

Janitor - The only man who makes a quick clean-up in Wall Street and gets away with it

The longer you wait in a queue the greater the probability that you re in the wrong queue

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals

When a pessimist has nothing to worry about he worries about why he has nothing to worry about

Probably 98% of human history would have never happened if showing off for girls wasn t a thing

Heredity: a biological process that fails to explain why you are so dead lazy while your parents are hardworking