I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.

What?" he asked. "You're staring at me funny.""We're in the wrong movie," I confessed.

98% of the things said by a drunk man are true; 98% of those said by a horny man aren’t.

‘Can’t you see what they are?’ I said. ‘They’re all dead.’

Come, let's get drunk, even if it is our ruin:For sometimes under ruins one finds treasure.

You are drunk,” Andria breathes.The prince raises his head high. “I am enlightened.

We are born. We die. Somewhere in between we live. And how we live is up to us. That’s it.

Oh Abby...I want you to know...I am so full of shit. You should not listen to me. I know nothing.

If getting drunk was how people forgot they were mortal, then hangovers were how they remembered.

Don't fall asleep yet. Contrary to popular belief, that's not where dreams get accomplished.

I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public.

Muscat is like a mind-altering drug. A stroll in its streets is like getting drunk for the first time

There’s nothing worse than delivering bad news to women. I hoped I wouldn’t get good at it.

Cameron is drunk and spouting isane incoherent shit. It comes with the territory of being a poetry majo

She ordered beer all night, and I ordered root beer. She was drunk, and so was I—with love.