Every time I see you, I don’t get butterflies, I get freaking elephants.

A man that treats his girl like a Princess shows that he was raised by a Queen.

A picture speaks a thousand words. But with photoshop it tells a thousand lies.

The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.

Did you do your makeup this morning, or did you just get gangbanged by Crayola?

Women that go to the supermarket in heels are shopping for more than groceries.

I believe in love at first sight, I experience it EVERY time I got to the mall.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute screw the fruit.

”H3y, Wh@t R y0uu d0inq?!” About to throw a dictionary in your face.

I couldn’t help but notice, awesome ends with me and ugly starts with you.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

One minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder why sluts are so damn skinny.

How can the world possibly end in 2012, if I have a yogurt that expires in 2013?

Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don’t, raise your standards.

When a boy promises you forever, make sure to ask how long till forever expires.