Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves some turn up their noses and some don t turn up at all

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck

I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge.

I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.

Oh, I'm good. Seriously, after all these years, you'd think I would stop amazing myself. But here I am, still doing it.

Agatha loved military men. Actually, she loved men in uniform. And my bowling league outfit used to drive her wild with desire.

If yage were a word that meant “maturity,” then every single woman I’ve dated has been at least twice my yage.

Humour: Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good but the look was bette

I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best.

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us with sense reason and intellect intended us to forgo their use

There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos.

There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you.