I mustache you a question but I m shaving it for late

To err is human; to make real mess you need a compute

That's so cute! They have birdbaths in the church!

Time travel is only a little less confusing than wives

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth.

Money speaks sense in a language all nations understand

The guy thought he was Mick Jagger. I felt bad for him.

Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

Being a philosopher I have a problem for every solution

I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.

Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss.