Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before

I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can t buy happiness

I think you inhaled too much lead from those scantron sheets

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

Whatever my ancestors did to you, none of them consulted me.

Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow they may make it illegal

How much detention did you get?"Two weeks. One per arsehole.

Get your facts first then you can distort them as you please

If someone invited you to a flash mob, would you wear a bra?

Try praising your wife even if it does frighten her at first

Always borrow money from a pessimist He won t expect it back

I got food poisoning today Don t know when I ll use it though

Life is like Tetris; if it doesn't fit, just flip it ove

I have the simplest taste I am always satisfied with the best