Not only is there no God but try getting a plumber at weekends

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.

I can be a gentleman off and on. When the urge hits me. - Tran

Thanks to my wife I am quite enlightened about my shortcomings

No such word as can't. No such word as babagoozle neither!

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

One should forgive one s enemies but not before they are hanged

I never lie. I believe everything I say, so it's not a lie.

Education is learning what you didn t even know you didn t know

True love comes quietly If you hear bells get your ears checked

The more I live the more I think that humor is the saving sense

I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

Fill what s empty empty what s full and scratch where it itches

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined