A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.

The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery.

Whenever I go on a diet the only thing I seem to lose is my mind

My computer beat me at checkers but I sure beat it at kickboxing

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain

A humorist is a person who feels bad but who feels good about it

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn

I have great faith in fools - my friends call it self-confidence

Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

Yes it is" Eragon said before his courage left him "just like you

Iggy. This is not a democracy," I said,(...)"It'sa Maxocracy.

Early to bed early to rise - makes a man unwanted boring and lice

If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side