Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

At least my happiness doesn't depend on Ron's goalkeeping ability.

Our love was soggy, like the biscuits I forgot to take out of the bathtub.

North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.

I drink too much The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding sings

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Miłość jest jak wędlina: jest salami i jest mortadela.

Hollywood: A place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors

According to actuarial tables people who live the longer are rich relatives

I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.

No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around.

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.