We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family in another city

Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of dying he sings

Never give up your seat for a lady That s how I lost my job as a bus drive

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere

Any girl can be glamorous All you have to do is stand still and look stupid

I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up - they have no holidays

I like pigs Dogs look up to us Cats look down on us Pigs treat us as equals

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia?

I made quite a name for myself back home I left when I found out what it was

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.

I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.