In conversation humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

I want to make pants out of tuna fish, to accompany my cottage cheese thighs.

Recession is when a neighbour loses his job Depression is when you lose yours

Humor is everywhere in that there s irony in just about anything a human does

If we're mad, we're mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.

You there, you look like a well-rounded lady, oh yes, and I mean well-rounded

Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

My boyfriend and I broke up He wanted to get married and I didn t want him to

Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood

With mobiles Apple and Blackberry are rivals But in a crumble they re harmony

I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness I left it blank